The Best Piece of Advice I’ve Ever Read.

 

(Okay. Amongst other profound and useful things. For example, the instructions to my new rice cooker proved pretty invaluable when I cooked rice last night.)

Something occurred to me recently – I spend an awful lot of time feeling melancholy about things. Usually family related. Always time related.

And let me tell you, Time is a robbing bastard and feeling at the mercy of it can get pretty exhausting.

Let me delve into this for you.

Almost everyday, my happy moments have the power to actually flip-reverse, and make me feel the total opposite. And I wouldn’t mind betting that this is an entirely common mind-set, particularly amongst parents. Because there is just something about having those rapidly growing children around which makes the everyday life so poignant; SO meaningful and SO true … That its sometimes just too much to bare. Am I right or am I right?

But of course, regardless of whether you do or don’t have children in your life, I’m pretty sure that beyond a certain point (for me its been since hitting my thirties) we are all painfully aware of that sodding, fast approaching demon that is ‘ageing’. Yuk. And we are all busy doing it right now, just ageing away; those plumped-up, collagen and time rich, bouncy cells of youth just slipping through our (probably sun-damaged … soon to be arthritic) fingers. God damn it.

To clarify: I’ve begun the terrible habit of feeling sad that moments/days/hours etc, are over, BEFORE THEY’VE EVEN BEGUN. How insane is that? And what a truly stupid way to live ones’ life and approach the everyday.

And if that’s how I feel about the humble everyday, don’t even get me started on Birthdays and Christmases. Its harrowing stuff.

I mean, its like I’ve gone and taken the notion “Don’t forget to stop and smell the roses” a little too far. I cant stop smelling those darn things. And I appreciate them so much. What is with all of that exhausting appreciation?

I know, I know. I’m doing just what all the Facebook quotes tell me to do, so its a good thing. Yes. But we cant just stop everything all of the time, and spend our lives copping a giant waff, we’ve got to actually walk past the metaphorical blooms of beauty in order to get shit done too, right? Otherwise we get stuck in some kind of futile vacuum of sad, sad sniffing and sniffling and reflecting like our lives depend on it. They don’t.

Whilst all of this full and deep appreciation of the right-now is crucial, and Zen like, its not the full picture.

So If I’m not careful, I risk missing out on enjoying all the other bits too; the pruning, the dormancy, the fertilizing, and lets be honest, the occasional need for some serious dead-heading once the bloom has invariably bloomed and stop blooming forever more. For ALL OF the above is part and parcel of life. The whole cycle of the rose counts, not just its smell.

I think that maybe I’m just too sensitive to stuff sometimes. Too empathetic as well, which, by the way technically makes me the exact opposite of a Psychopath, which is good.

But Anti-Psychopathy aside, I recently read a wonderful interview with Helena Bonham Carter in Red mag back in November of last year, which soon managed to whip me out and off of this silly thought path and set me on some much nicer feeling tracks.

And it went a little something like this:

‘We’re getting dilapidated, but you can’t control that, so why worry? I’m more conscious of the kids’ childhood going, because that goes so fast, it’s a bit like watching one of those time lapses. There’s no pressing pause. You’ve just got to say goodbye all the time, but also say hello. You must remember to say hello. So I’m going to say hello to my 5-0 – because otherwise when I’m 60 I’ll be going, “Oh, you should’ve enjoyed your fifties”‘

And just like that, I am cured. Thanks Helena.

Remember to say Hello.

A simple mantra, isn’t it?

But something I forgot to do. And for a while there I allowed myself to wallow too much in the goodbyes; the goodbyes of each day as I put my children to bed; the goodbyes of each Christmas as we took down the tree; the goodbyes of school terms; of weekends done and dusted come Sunday evening, of old photo’s where everyone was younger, and of people no longer here.

It can’t ALL be about the goodbyes.

We simply can’t dwell for too long because there just isn’t time. I think Richard Gere said that, or along those lines anyway… he is also quoted as saying  ‘Do not regret growing older, it is a privilege denied to many’ And I really like that too. Kind of makes me feel silly for feeling sad about what’s past.. and what’s also busy passing me by on a daily basis. I cant press pause, so I may as well stop wishing I could and just crack the hell on with it all and enjoy this super fast ride called life.

And ageing? No, not yuk. More, Yes. Thank you. Hello.

Can you relate? Do you feel sad with the passing days … does watching your children grow older make you feel melancholy too? Perhaps you’re an Anti-Psychopath too … is that even a thing, and if so, what’s it called? an Emoshopath?

We would love to read your comments below.

Thank you for reading, Anna x

 

 

 

9 comments on The Best Piece of Advice I’ve Ever Read.

  • georgina prince (was Davies)

    I do the exact same thing, I look forward to something while being sad that it will soon be over, which is ridiculous and just plain crazy, I wish I was better at living in the moment! I think it all comes down to anxiety and the fact I am just generally a worrier! Live every day, for that day x

  • Sassy

    I love that you finally pulled yourself out of the slum of feeling gloomy about time speeding on! Most of the time people live too far ahead always looking for the next exciting moment to happen, where as you seem to be doing The opposite, focusing on ending before its even begun! I love both of the quotes you’ve provided and think it’s a very good mantra to live by! I probably sound really weird though especially as I don’t even do it myself, but have you thought of meditating? Or at least practising mindfulness? It’s about being present in the moment and not worrying about the past Or future. Lovely post, looking forward to getting to know you better on the Facebook page, Shaunii 🙂 xxx

  • Speechie

    I think – as you grow even older – that different things will take on this mantra. Why worry about your kids growing older – they are healthy and well. Enjoy each day with them – it is a privilege denied to some.

  • Idaintyit

    Same here! I love christmas, all the build up etc but xmas day I am always down! I do it with everything and it drives me crazy

  • Laura

    I know what you mean! I’m half way through my maternity but sad it will be over in 6 months. It’s hard to focus on being happy now!
    Laura recently posted…Fitness: Edinburgh InnertubeMy Profile

  • Zena's Suitcase

    I know what you are saying. Everyone’s life is rushing past my eyes. I have an 18 year old son and he will be leaving home this year and I dread to think how it will effect me

  • Nicole

    Loving your website and love this post. Can so relate…
    You’ve got an awesome style (and humour) of writing… very entertaining:)
    Great stuff! Glad to be following you on twitter and bloglovin’.

    Keep writing!

    Nicole
    https://talesfrommamaville.wordpress.com/

    • Anna (author)

      Hi Nicole,
      thank you very much for such kind words! that has made my day. I’m really happy to have you following the site on BlogLovin’.
      I’m hopping over to see yours now.
      Anna x

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