Ok. Here goes. Don’t judge me, but …
1. I’ve got a subtle and slightly sinister kind of OCD that I like to satisfy as I go about my day. For example, this morning I had to select the plate from the cupboard which was second from the bottom of a stack of 25 plates. Because that particular plate was very definitely ‘the chosen one’ as far as I was concerned, and if I didn’t use that chosen one, then it would result in bad luck, possibly even death. Obvs.
2. I still sniff my youngest child’s head and neck because he still smells as close to baby-like as I’m going to get these days. I’m talking about a full, deep, yoga-like inhale of his gorgeous scent. He is five years old. He is getting sick of Mummy sniffing his head constantly. (He can’t stop me from doing it whilst he sleeps though.)
3. The toilet rolls always have to be set on the holder, just so, with the ream coming from over the top of the roll, never from underneath. This is non-negotiable. Who in their right mind would settle for this kind of incorrect toilet roll placement, anyway?
4. I really appreciate people who cut their toast vertically, rather than horizontally. These are my people; my tribe. It just makes so much more sense.
Big shout-out to the vertical cutters!
5. I much prefer doing my housework and cleaning at night. I’m so much better at it once the sun has gone down and really come into my own after dark.
6. I like to sleep in sheets that are light and plain in colour, ideally white – coloured sheets make me feel uneasy and slightly tetchy. And patterned duvet covers make me feel as though I’m sleeping in the bedroom section of a Freemans catalogue circa 1990.
7. Same white thing goes for laundry. I LOVE doing whites and then hanging them out. To me, a good white wash of sheets, towels, shirts and undies look simply exquisite on the line. And I can often be found just gazing at the load from afar, appreciating the uniformed purity, whilst it billows in the garden. If I was an artist, I would exhibit a white wash.
8. When selecting a number on anything (car heating, stereo volume etc.) It always has to be an even number. It is out of the question to have the TV volume set to 23 for example. No way. 22 or 24, take your pick, and don’t let it happen again.
9. I really enjoy popping a piece of chocolate AND a crisp in my mouth at the exact same time. Why hasn’t someone made a crisp chocolate bar? The combination is out of this world. (Top tip: Try inserting a Nice ‘n’ Spicy Nik Nak all the way in to the bitten-off end of a piece of Galaxy Caramel.)
10. I hate it when people put the ‘big light’ on. Lamps and candles people, lamps and candles. There is NO NEED to put the big light on. Not unless you’re playing Monopoly or there has been a terrible spillage.
So, be honest, am I a total freak? C’mon, tell me I’m not alone in the toast thing? And surely everyone hates the ‘big light’?