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Posts Written By@adadcalledspen

When did I suddenly get so old?

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I’ve got to face the facts. I’m old. I’m not getting old. I simply somehow got old. And to be honest I don’t like it very much. This is my first blog post of the year for ZmG and, I don’t know about you, but the first post of a new year always feels like a hard one to get out, as the actress said to the Bishop. It’s like the Christmas break robs you of inspiration, makes you hypercritical of your abilities, and you sit and question whether to ever put fingers to keyboard again. Surely a New Year…

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The most important decision any parent will make.

Star Wars

The most important decision we make for our children isn’t their name, nor choosing whether to feed them by bottle or breast. It isn’t which school to send them to, nor when to teach them about sex or savings or both. No. The most important decision any parent will make when bringing up a child is the order in which the child should watch the Star Wars movies. By the way, if your child hasn’t seen them yet, it’s all about to go off like a frog in a sock as the new movie, Star Wars: The Force Awakens, comes…

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Possible side effects include…

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Monday at 10am and I’m at the GP for an emergency appointment. Now, before y’all panic and worry it wasn’t, in my view, an emergency. Okay, so I hadn’t been able to stand, sit, move, bend, shit, piss or cough without screaming in agony, for three days, but it WASN’T an emergency. An emergency is when you’ve cut your head off, have nailed something onto a body part, or when your gentleman’s area has turned an odd colour. All I’d done was twist my back and all the GP had to do is prescribe some pain killers and send me…

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ZmG reviews… What We Do In The Shadows

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Let me begin by saying this is not a promotional review in any way. I paid to rent this movie and as such I can say what I like. Innit. So, What We Do In The Shadows. What’s it about? Well it’s about 89 minutes long, and if you thought the New Zealand movie industry was just Peter Jackson and hobbits then maybe it’s time to think again. Actually my sources tell me that Peter Jackson’s next movie is again based on a children’s book, and will also be split into three movies. The Very Hungry Caterpillar will star Andy…

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ZmG reviews… Legend

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I went to see Legend with that Tom Hardy fella. He hogged the middle arm rest and pinched most of my Pepsi. Terrible joke, sorry. Anyhow, where was I. Oh yes. Tom Hardy. I recently had a glut of Tom Hardy films. Somehow, due to LoveFilm and Amazon Prime conspiring we’d seen three in a week. There was The Dark Knight Rises, where he sounds like an asthmatic Kenneth Williams; The Drop, where he rescues a dog from a bin, and Locke which is a film about a concrete expert on a phone while driving. FOR 90 MINUTES. As such…

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In the middle of the night

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It’s 2.34am and I’m awake. Completely and utterly bloody awake. It’s not late at night and it’s not early in the morning. It’s the middle of the night. It’s quiet. Like the grave my gran used to say. There are no noises inside or outside the house. I’ve come downstairs for a drink and just the kettle on. It was very quiet. There are now noises inside the house. Noise inside the house. The kettle is loud, like a jet engine. Is it this loud during the day? Must be. Things don’t suddenly get louder at night. Apart from fridges.…

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The End of The Age of Innocence

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“Lucy said she doesn’t believe in Father Christmas any more” said the 9-year-old. Bugger. Thus it begins. The unravelling of an idea, festive fibbing, that’s been pedalled in order to keep the children in check. Leaving out whisky and a mince pie, and a carrot for Rudolph, floured footsteps in the kitchen and living room up to the Christmas tree to show someone came in and left the gifts, the concept of behaving yourself because otherwise Father Christmas won’t bring you any presents if you’re naughty… all this, this beautiful period of innocence and unquestioned parental authority, is now coming…

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Guest Post: Is It Too Late To Have A Dad?

Happy father's day

A wonderfully honest guest post from Katy, who is estranged from her father, and wonders if there is any point in reconciliation. The last time I saw my dad plays like home movie footage in my head. I was about 20. My hair was longer and brighter and everything about me was generally perkier. Well, physically at least. Mentally I was in the midst of unravelling, except I didn’t know it at the time. My dad was in a pub around the corner from a wedding I was at and I was told he was there if I wanted to…

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Back to Life, Back to Reality and Back to School

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The school holidays are over and the children are back to school. Six weeks passed without any grievous injuries, maiming, fratricide, sororicide or GBH. Everyone’s still talking to one another and the children haven’t forgotten how to count, read or spell their name. Well done. You’re getting good at this parenting mullarky. The holidays are over, the new uniforms bought and the obligatory photos of the children in their new uniforms standing by the front door have been posted on Facebook. Don’t feel too bad for doing it despite what those ‘too cool for school’ types on social media say.…

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Friday Stylefinder: Pour Homme

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As we all know Anna is a style guru, and with me being a small part of this elegant and stylish site I feel duty bound to try and find my inner fashionista. I’ve starting by looking for new items for my summer wardrobe. Sadly I’m less fashion guru and more fashion gnu, so I’m finding it rather hard. Mainly because I hate shopping for clothes. Which is a massive setback when shopping for clothes. Shoes, yes. I can shop for shoes. And bags, I can shop for bags. I wanted a new man bag, a smaller one than my…

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