Why I Quite Like Arrogance

 

 

I read a great book last year which raised to me the issue of arrogance in women; that we should embrace it every now and then. It really got me to thinking, and since reading it I cant help but notice the following –

First of all, The definition of arrogance is as follows:

To reveal an exaggerated sense of one’s own importance or abilities.

Now let’s think about this for a second. Having a sense of ones own importance and abilities? … Well that’s a good thing, isn’t it? To be commended and celebrated, yes? it should mean that you are able to get on with life. I think so. More than that, I love it. I feel it, and I wish that other woman in particular could begin to view this trait as being a good thing and relish the feel of it; openly portray it instead of hiding it; and accept it more in each other. Men do, so why can’t we?

Okay, so perhaps it’s the ‘exaggerated’ part of the definition that causes the negative problem. But who defines the exaggerated bit? Who gets to measure this part? Where does confidence end, and exaggeration begin? And who says it’s exaggerated anyway?

I’m talking solely about self-importance. I’m talking about having a healthy dose of self-esteem, inner-stability and self-love, which are qualities so often confused and labelled up negatively as arrogance.

And THAT drives me crazy.

How about we start to see arrogance as a strength? How about we flip arrogance on its head for a second – I think that arrogance is much like beauty: It’s entirely in the eye of its beholder. I say this because I know for a fact that my own 35 year old arrogance (self assured confidence) is often taken in one of two ways …

There are those who applaud it, are comfortable with it, and openly respect me for it. (Those are the people that I surround myself with)

And there are those that will happily knock and criticise it because it bothers them. My confidence and self-assurance is considered too high for these people and leaves them feeling uncomfortable. To this group my confidence is not confidence, it’s definitely seen as arrogance. And I absolutely spend less time with these people.

So, should I dampen my self-confidence to suit the second group? Should I play down the concise knowledge of my own mind that I have earned in life; pretend it’s not there? If I want to fit in across the board, then yes. That’s what I have to do. I have to temper it for some, yet I can be open about it with others. Sometimes, this feels a bit exhausting. Tell me I’m not alone here?

But men don’t have to worry about this, they openly massage each others egos, boosting each others brilliance. ALL OF THE TIME. Why do we girls have to play down our qualities?

Because It’s tricky for us girls isn’t it? there is a very fine line between feeling and displaying humility, empathising with those who have not achieved contentment lets say, and in getting held back entirely by a negative and sometimes destructive mind-set. Ladies, humility and confidence needn’t be mutually exclusive, we can still show our softer, feminine side as well as being a tough, self-assured force to be reckoned with, we can. And we must in order to get ahead and be taken seriously.

Here is what I know to be sure:

I am important, because I recognise that the other people in my life are important. Ergo, any sense of personal self-importance that we may wish to display can totally signify a huge compliment to those around us.

It means that you openly love and are loved in return.

It means that you recognise your loved ones’ brilliance; that they therefore deserve the best ever you.

It means that you openly and happily strive to shine because the people around you deserve it (No one thrives in the dark, so stop switching off the light for everyone in the room!)

It means that you are strong enough to openly hold yourself accountable for all that you fail AND achieve.

It means that you know your own mind; you will not play games with anyone.

It means that you trust and love your own decisions, therefore you rely less on others loving them too; that you are able to self-validate.

It means that you have learned what you like in life, and also what you don’t like.

It means that you can be loyal to those around you, as well as to yourself.

None of these are bad qualities. These are the very qualities that allow people to cut through life’s nonsense; to see the wood for the trees, and to just crack on and live the best life.

And If this knowledge is labelled up as being aloof with arrogance, then fine. I will drink to that …because since entering my thirties, I feel all of the above and more. And actually, I just don’t care how I come across anymore.

We girls are fantastic at talking about lifes problems. We excel at it. But what about the excellent stuff … we feel less comfortable homing in on theses things for fear of coming off as arrogant. If we have carved out a great life for ourselves, we feel compelled to put it all down to ‘luck’. Bollocks. Its not luck, its our own navigational genius at play. So please stop apologising for it.

Ladies, feeling a tad arrogant every once in while may leave you looking harsh, too strong (for a woman) and unlikeable to some, but to those on the same page as you, there will be no issues. No games. No need for self-sabotage.

Confidence helps to inspire, lighten, and simplify everything for everyone around us. So lets not hide it our confidence for fear of arrogance, lets ‘ave it!

Oh, and one other thing that occurred to me … interestingly, I think that my newly recognised (35 year old) seemingly conceited stance on life, actually stems entirely from being at my most un-conceited point of life so far. You see, I couldn’t be more loving and humbled by life and other people if I possibly tried. I’m at my most maternal for those around me too. But that doesn’t mean I’m not strong, articulate, decisive, confident and pretty f***ing sure of myself…

But you know … as I type this I realise just why all of this is such a feared concept.

I’m thinking that as we woman get older, we gain a perfect storm of qualities. No wonder its unnerving.

#sorrynotsorry

 

So, what do you think ladies? are you a cocky, arrogant so-and-so? or do you despise these qualities in others?

As always, I love reading your comments, please don’t be shy about disagreeing with me if you do. As genuinely, I don’t mind and happily accept all angles and opinions being shared on this site 🙂

Thank you so much for reading

Anna x

 

17 comments on Why I Quite Like Arrogance

  • Amy

    I think being confident can so easily be misconstrued as arrogance. I like to think that I am confident yet likable, I also know there are times in life where it is perfectly acceptable to show off your own achievements and believe that this is how to move forward professionally and personally. I would hate to think that I came across as a push over so would rather people deemed me as cocky (even though I totally am not) I find this most, for example when dealing with the kid’s school, whereas they listen intently to my husband I have been sidelined in the past and now make a point of being super confident, in a don’t challenge me way, this has stemmed from being a very young mum and feeling not quite grown up enough to assert myself something that I have learned to deal with as I’ve grown older and ultimately more confident.

    I totally just went off on a tangent but what I am trying to say is, I get it, and I totally agree! xx
    Amy recently posted…Halloween spider cupcakes with white chocolate websMy Profile

  • Ana

    I agree with the comments. Sometimes being that person can get us very far but sometimes you have to use it wisely.
    Ana recently posted…LIPSTICK: Rimmel London Kate MossMy Profile

  • Joanna

    I think it’s good to be confident in your abilities but I do know some people go too far with it and tend to be cocky about what they have achieved and look down on people. I think if your confident/arrogent but not be little people than it can be a good thing.

  • Sarah

    I never really though of arrogance as a strength before but you’re right! I think a little bit of arrogance CAN be healthy! To an extent of course and not overly arrogant in a rude way, if that makes sense? Confidence does inspire! When I see other people confident, it inspires me to be confident, too! Or at least try to be a bit more confident in myself. Gosh, I hope this made sense.
    This is a really well written post, I really enjoyed it. xx
    Sarah recently posted…The one where H turns 12 years old!My Profile

  • Tessa

    Absolutely women should be confident in themselves, and if that means being arrogant now and then then I don’t see a problem with that. As a teenager I was often told I was too arrogant when I was just secure and confident in myself. I suppose that’s not the norm for a teenage girl so people responded to it negatively!
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  • Random Musings

    Good on you! There’s nothing wrong with being confident and self assured, in fact I think its something we should all be aiming for. Now if that’s arrogance, then hell yeah, bring on the arrogance!
    I have always thought of the word arrogant to mean having self belief to the point where you are rubbish at something but still think you are the best at it. By that definition, I wouldn’t want to be arrogant. By your definition, I totally would think of it as a compliment 🙂
    Debbie
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  • Aly

    Yes, this is me.If I don’t show confidence, I appear shy or rude.If I take control of the conversation, I appear overbearing and bossy.It’s quite a hard balance and sometimes I tend to go over the top with the latter as I don’t want to be seem to be weak.As I’m only 4″ 10, my height has always held me back and I always feel the need to be ‘bigger’ than I am.But that said, I have been told that this has always been a good thing as it makes me an interesting person and there’s never an awkward silence when I’m around.
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  • Lisa - Four Walls, Rainy Days

    I find that with women in particular, confidence is often seen as arrogance much quicker than it would be with a man – they are confident, we have “notions”. There is absolutely nothing wrong with knowing you’re excellent at something and telling the world it as long as it isn’t part of a dig at someone else. Being proud of what you’re good at is a good thing and we need to keep doing this – hopefully the mentality in our society will change to see that it is a good thing.
    Lisa – Four Walls, Rainy Days recently posted…Scary Or Sexy: A Hunt for a Halloween CostumeMy Profile

  • Ana De- Jesus

    I for one wish that I could possess as much self love as you. As someone who suffers from severe anxiety and depression I surround myself with people that are assured in their identity and to some I come across as very confident ( when I am not) and can be construed as a negative quality. Being self-assured is a healthy trait to have and we should not be condemned for knowing our own worth.
    Ana De- Jesus recently posted…Depression In A Broken ParadiseMy Profile

  • Blogging Mummy

    I have never thought of or seen arrogance as a strength before. Ive only ever met arrogant people who I have no time for.
    Blogging Mummy recently posted…First School Parents EveningMy Profile

  • Shareen HD

    I don’t think I am cocky or arrogant but I don’t think I am the opposite either. We are all amazing and strong women with different strengths and abilities we SHOULD be proud of and embrace. Tell the world. Make the most.
    Shareen HD recently posted…A Moment For Postpartum HealthMy Profile

  • Ickle Pickle

    Go You! I think as I have got older I feel more confident – I hope not arrogant. Some people will always take you the wrong way won’t they? Kaz x
    Ickle Pickle recently posted…Fab Five for Friday Halloween 2My Profile

  • Heather

    Love this post! Hell yeah to the arrogance. We’re living in a context where every situation allows men to succeed much more easily than women. If we don’t learn to value ourselves and get comfortable with other women doing the same, we can’t change the overall rhetoric that we somehow deserve less from life.

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  • Fiona

    Interesting stuff and a well-explained perspective. Can only agree that confidence is a good thing. Arrogance, for me, is confidence’s brittle relative. Confidence is steady. Arrogance can be knocked off its perch. I agree that men are more often arrogant than women. Not sure I envy them this.

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