When did I suddenly get so old?

I’ve got to face the facts. I’m old.

I’m not getting old. I simply somehow got old.

And to be honest I don’t like it very much.

This is my first blog post of the year for ZmG and, I don’t know about you, but the first post of a new year always feels like a hard one to get out, as the actress said to the Bishop. It’s like the Christmas break robs you of inspiration, makes you hypercritical of your abilities, and you sit and question whether to ever put fingers to keyboard again. Surely a New Year should invigorate and enthusiate us? Yes I know I made up enthusiate. The New Year is a blank page upon which we can write the first chapter of our new shiny and sexy future, inspiring us to open our minds to new challenges, make us fearless in our desire to conquer our fears, and make us resolute in our resolutions to increase, lose or improve whatever it is we want to increase, lose or improve about ourselves.

Happy New Year by the way, and I hope that 2016 brings you all you wish for and more. For me it seems to have brought a sudden and urgent need to get up and go to the toilet three times a night. Proof if proof be needed that I’m now old.

Hangovers now take weeks to get over. In fact I now drink a lot less to avoid hangovers at all costs. Mind you it isn’t that hard for me to drink less as I used to drink way too much, according to those pesky new government guidelines, but it’s a sad state of affairs when you think you can’t have a drink OF WATER after 10pm otherwise you’ll be up at 1am, 2am and 3.30am needing the loo.

Being a three times a night man used to mean something very different.

As I said, I’m getting old. Some mornings I wake up grumpy. And other mornings I let her lie in.

Apologies, an old joke, but one to lighten the mood as we move onto the subject of death.

Maybe I’m thinking about age this week because David Bowie died on Monday at the age of 69, and it suddenly seems like the people around us as we grew up are now dying. Christ, I bet even the Spice Girls rang up for a GP appointment on Monday.

It’s natural to reflect, I think, it also being a New Year, and as I do so, I look back at some significant figures in my life and realise how none of them actually reached 69. My father died at the age of 63, my maternal grandfather died at the age of 63. My mum died at the age of 63.

What is it about the number 63 and our family?

So, if I’m to stand a fighting chance of beating their records and living to a decent age like my maternal grandmother, I need to up the ante. Now before you all tell me I need to stop eating crap and get more exercise, I’ve stopped eating crap and I AM getting more exercise.  I have a gym membership and I go, often, even though I’m terribly frightened by the amount of men wandering around the changing room in the nude. I don’t know if they do this as an Alpha Male thing, marking their territory, or if they do it to show off some of the largest penises in Christendom. I was getting changed one day and out of the corner of my eye I could’ve sworn there was a man walking around with a hoover.

Anyhow, I digress. Gym, exercise, healthy eating and I’m also back to running. I used to run a lot when I lived alone, to stretch the muscles and sinews but also to sort out my mind and my depression but backache, biscuits and a happier outlook on Life got in the way and I stopped. Now I’m crawling back to fitness, running is something I can do again, and the other day I ran for over half an hour for the first time in over a year, and thankfully things seemed, if not stretched and eased, then stretchier and easier.

I thought, as I ran through the mean streets of South Yorkshire, this is going to make a difference. I’ll live past 63, 73, 83 even! In my mind’s eye I could see my children with children of their own, and me the proudest grandparent in the world.

Mind you if I make any more jokes about my partner like the ‘grumpy’ one earlier I may not live to see 53.

Sod this I thought, I’m running, I’m smiling, I’m feeling fit and healthy and I’m gonna live WAY past sixty fucking THREE.

Only for me to be very nearly very killed by a car which didn’t indicate as I ran across the road.

Life has a cruel sense of humour.

Some say with age comes wisdom and experience. I say it comes with tendonitis and a weakening bladder. What has age and the ceaseless march of time brought you? Please let us know in the comments section.

Oh, and as always, thanks for reading.

21 comments on When did I suddenly get so old?

  • Sarah Cashman

    lmfao! Have tears in my eyes from laughing! (specially at the largest penises in Christendom bit) Well it was either that or cry with you… My mum died at 54, so I’ll be glad when I’m 55… Maybe you should get your prostate checked to alleviate the night peeing 😉

    • @adadcalledspen

      Thanks Sarah, and glad it made you laugh. I’ll have a chat with my GP but I fear he’ll have to venture into a place where no things must go in order to check my prostate. It’s an exit not an entrance.
      @adadcalledspen recently posted…When did I suddenly get so old?My Profile

      • Sarah Cashman

        Yes, quite so; I’m sure the doctor doesn’t like doing it either. I often wonder what makes a doctor decide to specialize in butt holes…

  • Claire Kane

    “As the actress said to the bishop”.You’re a fantastic writer and although you might feel old because of your age, your writing tells me that you will always have a glint of youth there regardless of your ages. Worry not!
    Claire Kane recently posted…Is Glam Glow Worth it?My Profile

    • @adadcalledspen

      Thanks for your kind compliment. What’s the old quote, age isn’t important unless you’re a cheese? Well, I’ll try consider myself a fine, matured one with a cheeky bite.
      Thanks for reading.
      @adadcalledspen recently posted…When did I suddenly get so old?My Profile

    • @adadcalledspen

      Hangovers are hideous in your 40’s. It’s like Stomp have moved into your head and ain’t ever leaving.

      Thanks for reading. 🙂
      @adadcalledspen recently posted…In At The Deep EndMy Profile

    • @adadcalledspen

      Thanks for taking a read. I’m only 43, I guess, but there’s a part of me that thinks that the 25 year old me was knocking about yesterday and I just went to sleep and woke up 43! 🙂
      @adadcalledspen recently posted…Dry January. How is it For You?My Profile

      • Sarah Cashman

        Wait until you are 51 and still feel the same as you did in your 20’s!

  • Mudpie Fridays

    My hubby is definitely getting old and he is definitely getting more grumpy as he gets older. But it sounds to me like you are doing the right thing with the healthy eating and gym programme. Good luck with it and I hope the rest of 2016 is good to you.
    Mudpie Fridays recently posted…Project 52 – Week 2My Profile

    • @adadcalledspen

      Thank you! And as for grumpy… well maybe there’s a whole post in just how curmudgeonly I’ve become. One simply called ‘Why are most people in the world UTTERLY stupid?’
      Not you. Obvs. You’re special.

      Thanks for reading.
      @adadcalledspen recently posted…In At The Deep EndMy Profile

  • Angela at Daysinbed

    I’m getting older faster and i find it frustrating as I’m so unwell and have been for 7 years and my years are wasting away. I hope to get well so i can enjoy life better. Food for thought!
    Angela at Daysinbed recently posted…Weddings, Bowling and BakingMy Profile

  • Ziggy Mondus

    Brilliant, as usual Spen. first, the ‘hoover’ man. I once heard of a man who had one 18″ (c. 450mm) long. Every time he got a ‘soft on’ (not enough blood in his body to do the opposite), he flopped on the floor. So don’t worry about him.
    My family had a history of going in their early fifties. I’m 63 now (Oh ohhhh!) and the youngest of three, so we’re all bucking the trend now. That’s cos of the modern lifestyle, and if I manage to join you running one day I reckon 150 is a worthy aim 😉
    Not sure if the wink is for 150 or running, though.

  • Ana De- Jesus

    And there was me feeling sorry for myself because noone in my family lives past 80. This week and even now I have been reflecting a lot on death and it scares me a lot.
    Ana De- Jesus recently posted…Friday Lookbook: Beautiful YouMy Profile

    • @adadcalledspen

      It scares me too but I guess looking after yourself is key. You’re only given one body.
      Unless you believe in reincarnation in which case we have 900.
      Thanks for taking a read. 🙂
      @adadcalledspen recently posted…In At The Deep EndMy Profile

  • Rachel

    I just cant deal with hangovers anymore, I hate that horrible icky feeling of a thick head and a gugling unhappy tummy x
    Rachel recently posted…The Melt CrowdMy Profile

  • Miranda (Anosa)

    I didnt realise how much I needed a laugh until I read this post ‘some man was walking around with a hoover’ got me into fits right out ‘largest penises in christendom’ lol. Death does seem to bring out the ‘change’ in us. Great post.
    Miranda (Anosa) recently posted…Lifestyle – Tips to renew your bathroomMy Profile

  • Katy

    I AM NOT GRUMPY!!!!

    And you are not old. I am not old and you are a year older than me and we are NOT old. X

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